1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
