Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear