I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
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Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Go fuck yourself