I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
