you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize