my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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