Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
