I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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