I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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