so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
