I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just found puke in my bra..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
