so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
