I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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