I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
