a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I could have mohawked her pubes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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