I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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