we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
