Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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