im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
