I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
