omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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