peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize