my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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