Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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