If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
