Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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