woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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