We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
