1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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