the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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