your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
