I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
