wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize