if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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