I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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