I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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