What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
whose ass print is on the piano?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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