yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
