just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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