Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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