If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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