In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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