went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
