broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
