Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
