We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
