my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
