I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
