apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
