you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
