i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
