Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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