She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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