Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
