i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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