the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is the high leading the old right now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
