Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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