HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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