I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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