I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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