I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
