How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
