Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
