And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's official drugs can't kill me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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