dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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