Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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