he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
